I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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