Your mouth is God's brothel.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
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Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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