Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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