I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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