So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
