we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
