I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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