So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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