i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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