My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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