yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
