I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
