I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
