i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
