So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so let's talk penis.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
