The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
