The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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