i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
