I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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