He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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