Already got asked if we're dating
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
