oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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