you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
