I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
