when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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