It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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