laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
