You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
