You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize