dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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