I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
