grandma shit on top of the toilet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
