I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
