The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
