i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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