His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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