Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
