Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
