im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
