I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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