A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
