Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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