I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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