i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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