So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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