I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize