and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
