oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
