Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
