STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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