i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
