Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
