Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
