yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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