Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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