This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
