Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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