if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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