I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
