im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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