Who wears a wallet chain?!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
