He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
