Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Drunk is not a location!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
