Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
