Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
