So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Houston, we have a squirter
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
