If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
