I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
