And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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